National Identity: The Confusing Case of Being Both Northern Irish and Not

My nationality is something that almost everyone struggles to pin down.

My mum is Northern Irish, Belfast born and bred. My dad is Welsh. The two of them met in the University of Mid Glamorgan (since rebranded to the ‘University of South Wales’), during the time that they were together - mum became pregnant with me, and I was born.

The town that I was born is called Pontypridd, which is a market town in South Wales that sits at a junction between the Rhondda and Cynon Taff valleys. For a town, I suppose it is relatively big - the current population is over 30,000 - but it is still a town, and because of this there’s not really that much to do.

There is a Spoons, which gets overrun on weekends. A park, with a pretty good outside swimming pool and a nice playground. There are also some shops, including a big Sainsbury’s and a middling sized Lidl. Other than that, entertainment in Ponty largely consists of getting the bus or train to Cardiff, and doing things there.

Of course, I didn’t actually grow up in Ponty. At some point, my parents decided to move to Northern Ireland. Then, of course, they inevitably broke up (and I say ‘inevitable’, because my parents broke up when I was three and the more I learn about them as people, the more that I am continually fascinated they were ever together). After they broke up, mum stayed in Belfast, and Dad went back to Wales, and that was that.

Sort of.

Because it sounds simple, doesn’t it? Like: I was born Wales and grew up in Northern Ireland. But, what does that make me? Am I British? Am I Irish? Am I welsh? Am I half-and-half? Half and half of what?

I have a Northern Irish accent, but it’s so posh that most people don’t really register it when they first meet me, other than the fact that it’s not English. And then I say the word flower like ‘flar’, or the word shower like ‘shar’, and then something in their eyes lights up and they go: “Oh you’re IRISH,” and I say, awkwardly and a bit too defensive, “NORTHERN Irish, yeah.”

Belfast City Hall

You see - the thing about Northern Ireland is that you are, theoretically, able to claim a dual citizenship. By which I mean, you are supposed to be able to be both Irish and British mixed together, simultaneously. This merging of two worlds which were fundamentally opposed, that’s the beauty of Being Northern Irish. That is what you Get.

Except, it doesn’t really work like that - because no job application form has a nationality option for “Northern Irish”, and so, when you’re looking at the little drop-down bar of all the different nationalities you could claim, you have to pick one. WHITE - BRITISH and WHITE - IRISH are both there, flashing at you. They’re both there, saying: pick me, pick me.

And for most people, depending on where they grew up and what their parents believe, they think there is one option to the question and that is that. They will select one and be happy and they won’t be up all night thinking about the most banal question on a job application form.

Except for me.

I went to a primary school which was primarily Protestant, which means, in Northern Ireland, that it was also primarily unionist. To be a unionist means you like the union between Northern Ireland and the rest of the UK. In other words: you absolutely Do Not Want a United Ireland. United Ireland goes against everything that they believe in. People who are unionist call themselves British - loudly and aggressively - they are most definitely WHITE - BRITISH.

Adding to my inability to pick a side: I went to a secondary school which was very, very Catholic. Catholics in Northern Ireland are Nationalist, which means that they DO want a United Ireland.

Catholics in Northern Ireland are frequently more aggressive about being Irish than people from Southern Ireland (which, really, is hard to do). This is because people in Northern Ireland have everything to prove in terms of how Irish they are. They tick WHITE - IRISH on the job application form and get a sick little adrenaline rush when they do so. My best friend got an Irish passport and her mum cried with joy. This is how Irish the Catholics in Northern Ireland are.

I, on the other hand, debate over the nationality question more than anyone else I know.

I do not feel Irish, because my dad is not Irish, and because my Granny Rosemary, my mum’s mum, grew up Protestant, which means that she Is Not Irish, Thanks Very Much. On top of this - I grew up in a Protestant area of Belfast, where people hang Union Flags and burn things on the 12th July, and that’s just something I grew up with. That’s just something that I think is okay, and normal, and a part of my life.

So, I feel I would be an insult to the Irish if I tried to claim that was my nationality. Like, they would take one look at me. Me, with my posh Belfast accent and the way that it changes to Welsh on the phone, me, with my flat in London and my English girlfriend, me, with my Protestant granny. They would take one look at me and say, “You are Not Irish.” And really, they would be right.

However, I don’t feel British, either, because my dad’s side of the family are passionately, vibrantly Welsh. That is to say, they aren’t British either: they’re Welsh. My dad’s mum (Granny Jen) wrinkles her nose when she’s talking about people from the South of England, my stepmum learned English as a second language, and really wants an independent Wales.

On top of this: I went to a Catholic secondary school. I grew up with best friends who call themselves Irish, and passionately go on rampages against the English. It's not an exaggeration to say that, until I was nearly nineteen years old, I had never met a single person who supported an English sports team during a tournament.

In fact, people often passionately supported whatever team was opposing them.

So where does that leave me? Checking to see if there’s a WHITE - NORTHERN IRISH option? (Ha! As if!) Checking to see if there’s even a WHITE - WELSH option? (Who are we kidding, here?)

National identity is a confusing and pointless thing. Multiple studies have shown that it often tends to heighten racism in both societies and people. National identity is stupid, all it means is that you occasionally have a football team to scream at. Or maybe you have a flag that you can hang up somewhere.

Maybe you have an accent. Or a certain slang word you say that everyone else thinks is stupid (my girlfriend calls bread rolls, 'teacakes'. This is VERY stupid.)

National identity is stupid, and yet, more than anything, I crave the ability to state where I’m from with ease and without worry. More than anything, I envy the way that my girlfriend can say, “I’m English,” can say, “I’m British,” and people just accept it.

I envy that, because I will never have that.

People ask where I’m from and I say Northern Ireland, and they say, Oh, I love Ireland, and I say: yes, Dublin is nice but that’s not where I’m from, and I’m not actually Irish, ha ha.

People ask where I’m from and I say Wales, and they say, you don’t sound Welsh, and I say: ha, no, I didn’t grow up there, so I suppose not, ha ha.

People ask where I’m from and I say: Belfast, and they say, Oh, I’ve never been, and I say: it’s lovely! You should go, no, it’s not violent, there’s loads of art and good food. I’m serious, really, just don’t go on the 12th July, ha ha.

People ask where I’m from and I say: Belfast, and they say, you sound too posh for Belfast, have you been living in London for long? And I say: no, not really actually, I guess I’m just posh, or maybe it’s because my dad is Welsh, and so I’m actually a bit Welsh, anyway ha ha.

People ask where I’m from and I say: I’m half Welsh and half Northern Irish, and they say, god, just pick one, where did you grow up? Where are you FROM?

And I say: I don’t know! I don’t KNOW!

And I say: I’M FROM NORTHERN IRELAND AND WALES, ISN’T THAT ENOUGH.

And I say: I’M NOT FUCKING BRITISH!

And I say: NO I’M NOT IRISH EITHER, FUCK YOU.

And I say: I GREW UP IN BELFAST, ALRIGHT? I GREW UP IN BELFAST AND I STILL SAY SCUNDERED WHEN I’M EMBARRASSED, AND BOKE INSTEAD OF VOMIT, AND I DON’T SAY THE ‘OW’ SOUND IN THE MIDDLE OF WORDS, AND I SAY ‘FIRE’ LIKE FA-ER AND ‘TOWEL’ LIKE TAL AND ‘MIRROR’ LIKE MURR AND THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH FOR YOU PEOPLE. THAT SHOULD BE ENOUGH.